I stand on stage.  I’m playing keyboard. I love it…following the chords on the sheets of paper before me and experiencing the music I am taking part in. It’s a worship session during a church service…and I’m blessed by using our gifts to glorify God.

The pastor asks our Music Director for a specific song…and I’m done…i can’t take part, because the song he asks for is not on the list before me, so I’m lost.  I’m not the kind of musician that can determine what to play unless its given to me on a music score sheet…I’m just not that good.  So I won’t take part in this one… though  I would have loved to.

On guitar this evening is one of my oldest friends.  For 15 years he has been a mentor and a friend, a band leader and a colleague.  He turns around.

He knows.  He knows me…he knows I’m lost without a paper.  He knows.

And he whispers…G…E Minor…D…every chord…he leads me…

Rewind to about 2 hours earlier driving to band practice before service and feeling in my being that I am just a bit lost…just unsure of what to do and how to handle some things in my life…I need direction for every step ahead, because what will come next in my life is important and will take huge steps of faith. Career choices, how to handle emotional and spiritual challenges.  How do I go about this Lord.

And then my friend happens…and its as if God is whispering to me.

‘Do you see how he knows?  Do you see how he cares enough to turn around and face you?  Do you hear how clearly, above all the noise and music on stage currently, you can hear every…EVERY…SINGLE…chord. Crystal clear.

That is Me…in front of you…whispering at every step and turn and direction…and you will hear.  And it is not any other person on stage doing this.  I am using him because you know this person’s voice the best…it is familiar to you…you recognise it…in the same way you recognise Mine…because we are familiar to each other…trust each other…and Love is the reason why I WANT to turn around towards you and guide you every step of the way.’

And that was His message…He is the leader in the music of my life…guiding every chord and movement.  And He is trustworthy…and present…and on time…and I will stay in rhythm with His direction and guidance…

…because He knows

Is 55

Incline your ear, and come unto me; hear, and your soul shall live: ….

I do not have a natural ear when it comes to music.  I have a many musician-friends who can listen to a song and pick out the guitar riffs or the piano-sequences with no effort whatsoever.  I have basic Piano-playing knowledge and know when I’m playing off-key…but the knowledge of what key a song is in, what sounds would fit best with which song…this is simply not part of my talents.

Due to my basic skills I was asked to play with our church band in a music ensemble.  It was intimidating.  The other band-members were: a Worship leader who can play every instrument known  to man; a well trained piano player who finds joy in spending hours in preparation and 2 full time music-sessionist/students, who can tell you when you’ve missed a bar and which chord would sound better than the one the band leader has chosen.  Very nice people…but I am miles behind them when it comes to music.

So, the Band leader’s advice to us is to listen to the recordings of the songs and prepare by practicing “our parts”.  Does he know how much effort it takes for me to sift through all the sounds and try to discover which of the sounds are my part?  If you tell me to play C, G or Em or even give my sheet music, I should be fine and pleasing…but to figure it out myself is simply not something that I find enjoyable, stimulating or at all fun…rather, I feel like crying in the inferiority and inability!

Finding God’s voice amongst my thoughts, sometimes feels like this.

Firstly there’s the drumbeat of my own questions and fears: quite easy to distinguish…and SO hard to get past in order to hear anything else.  The mixture of basslines and guitarsolos of earthly wisdom and people’s viewpoints, make it a struggle to reach that which is hiding away even deeper.  And I yearn for that: the steady presence of God’s view and guidance is like the backdrop of a keyboard: there to bring unity, assurance of the presence of stability in a situation and in life…but there are times when it is oh so difficult to make out if it is even there.

Pealing back the layers of the music – I’m getting better at it slowly but surely – I do find the notes eventually.  I just wish it was more effortless sometimes.  But I’ve learnt that it is there and that my panicked feelings, filled with tears of inaptitude is mostly misplaced: I never know why our Worship leaders asks me to join them: I am not in their league…but he trust something in me to keep up and add a beautiful part of music to their end result. And apparently, God trusts my humanness to find His Godliness…He doesn’t think that I will fail.  He keeps His voice at its perfect pitch and waits until I’ve heard it…and guides me with it, beautifully.