I learnt about the music of my soul

I do not have a natural ear when it comes to music.  I have a many musician-friends who can listen to a song and pick out the guitar riffs or the piano-sequences with no effort whatsoever.  I have basic Piano-playing knowledge and know when I’m playing off-key…but the knowledge of what key a song is in, what sounds would fit best with which song…this is simply not part of my talents.

Due to my basic skills I was asked to play with our church band in a music ensemble.  It was intimidating.  The other band-members were: a Worship leader who can play every instrument known  to man; a well trained piano player who finds joy in spending hours in preparation and 2 full time music-sessionist/students, who can tell you when you’ve missed a bar and which chord would sound better than the one the band leader has chosen.  Very nice people…but I am miles behind them when it comes to music.

So, the Band leader’s advice to us is to listen to the recordings of the songs and prepare by practicing “our parts”.  Does he know how much effort it takes for me to sift through all the sounds and try to discover which of the sounds are my part?  If you tell me to play C, G or Em or even give my sheet music, I should be fine and pleasing…but to figure it out myself is simply not something that I find enjoyable, stimulating or at all fun…rather, I feel like crying in the inferiority and inability!

Finding God’s voice amongst my thoughts, sometimes feels like this.

Firstly there’s the drumbeat of my own questions and fears: quite easy to distinguish…and SO hard to get past in order to hear anything else.  The mixture of basslines and guitarsolos of earthly wisdom and people’s viewpoints, make it a struggle to reach that which is hiding away even deeper.  And I yearn for that: the steady presence of God’s view and guidance is like the backdrop of a keyboard: there to bring unity, assurance of the presence of stability in a situation and in life…but there are times when it is oh so difficult to make out if it is even there.

Pealing back the layers of the music – I’m getting better at it slowly but surely – I do find the notes eventually.  I just wish it was more effortless sometimes.  But I’ve learnt that it is there and that my panicked feelings, filled with tears of inaptitude is mostly misplaced: I never know why our Worship leaders asks me to join them: I am not in their league…but he trust something in me to keep up and add a beautiful part of music to their end result. And apparently, God trusts my humanness to find His Godliness…He doesn’t think that I will fail.  He keeps His voice at its perfect pitch and waits until I’ve heard it…and guides me with it, beautifully.

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