Just words or more life

It is easy sitting here writing.

It is not that easy being out there in the world and doing.

I know all that I wish the world to be. I know all the wise approaches that will make my relationships better and will most probably help me achieve my dreams.

I know it all. In my head.

But doing it…that’s hard.

Doing it means that I make choices according to priorities, not whims.
Doing it means that I have to stand by my convictions, even when there’s adversity.
Doing it means that I proclaim my beliefs, no matter who is staring me in the face.

And that is hard.

I chase a dream of doing good and I hit a speed bump. The going was easy and suddenly there’s a mud pool that makes me feel uncomfortable, doubting myself, making me feel embarrassed.
It can be easy to cancel the path taken. I can just sit in front of my computer all day and spew my message out from here. It is comfortable. It doesn’t offer many challenges in terms of finances or in terms of dealing with people.

But that’s not enough.
It is simply not enough for me to write a thing and not live it.

I can not dream of giving my children wise advice one day…but having to hide away the fact that I never attempted what I want them to pursue.

Writing is easy.
Living is hard.
But doing only number 1 just isn’t enough.

He made me for more than that.

I cringe at the feeling of having my beliefs challenged, some of my plans crash, having no answers when everything I try fail. But I’m not dead yet. So failure is only a temporary feeling. And isn’t it subjective? Not thing attempted doesn’t at least have a lesson as result or at least one life influenced. So I choose what I define as failure (still processing that thought…)

So I will face the discomfort and push through. I will attempt to reach the other side, the dream, the ideal.
Even half of it is better than only talking about it.

That’s just me.


What we are vs WHAT WE CAN BE

I scroll past the pictures of the students who fight and loot and destroy in our country. I scroll quite quickly. I do not want to see it.
Part of me doesn’t want to give chaos leeway in my psyche…but the rest of me is just plain startled. Startled to see that what I believe isn’t happening. And if it doesn’t happen…will I lose my belief?

Because I believe that this is a great country. I have a belief that God had and has a plan for our colourful nation. And those pictures do not represent that.

I am not proud for running away from the glimpses of tragedy.
But I did stop in my tracks this morning and face my fear and face my insecurity.
And I chose a mindset.

What I see is not what I hoped for when in 1994 my country stood up for something great. Am I the typical patriotic South African who braais a lot and will never leave her roots? NO. Not at all. Simply out of curiosity I would love to experience the world out there as home.
But that does not diminish my faith in my first home.

And my faith has always been that we were destined to stand up for something worthwhile. The world looked at us and saw a miracle. Our great leader became the reference of many in the same situation. Is that not something to be proud of? To get chills about? That is how powerful our small country chose to be in the WORLD.

And now a few simpering idiots decide that they are not happy. They destroy precious items, lives and they destroy time.

I can keep on scrolling past and seem naive. Naive in that I do not want to admit that there is outrage and ghastliness out there in my country. Naive that I don’t want to admit that something is WRONG.

But I am not naive. I see all the darkness that challenges light. I see daftness challenging wisdom. I see greed overcoming goodness.

But I do not have to buy into it.

I have a voice and a pen and if we could stay afloat in 1994 and create a miraculous society instead of civil war, then I know:
In this country there are still good people…so our country is still good
IN this country there are still people with morals…so we will not succumb to the worst
In this country there are people who believe…so our prayers will forever echo

And does the presence of darkness and stupidity now show me that my faith was ungrounded?

Certainly not. Light and wisdom travels in me, so I am the keeper of what we need. I am the presence of all that I believe in. And as long as I stand (even just to stand for hope and truth and morals and kindness to those around me), that Presence prevails.
I am the answer to this country…every day answering the call by living what I believe and cherish and was taught by good parents. By living what I believe God requests of us all, I am an anchor to that which is light in the darkness. And there are many of us. I know it.

I will not stop living what I know to be wise and good and under leadership of the Light…so how will the darkness then ever win?

I see the horrible truths of our country and my heart breaks for it (maybe the true reason why I scroll past?)…but I LIVE what I know is good and right and what will bring hope to others…and then the horror will not triumph.

Their actions do not determine His presence or my actions.

But my actions can have impact just as those pictures influenced me.cropped-2015-06-02-16-20-08.jpg

That’s just me.