It didn’t happen all at once.
I just finished my third glass of water for the day and for me that’s a lot. Until a few months ago that wasn’t near the top of my priority list. But we get older…wiser…and realise these bodies we say we put in service of God should preferably last for a few more decades if we want to do something worthwhile while alive.
And so I changed.
But it happened slowly.
Here’s what I knew: I wanted a healthy lifestyle. I wanted to do it all…it didn’t have to be perfect…it just had to be good. But I was so out of balance one would think selfhelp books and blogs didn’t exist.
I saw others getting it right. And I don’t mean the ones posting fake pictures on Instagram. I mean people I KNEW who managed to live optimally in one, many or at least a few areas of life:
- Goal setting
Comparing oneself to others is definitely not the way to live, but seeing proof that you can do better is sometimes the motivation I need…to create a goal…to realise your excuses for not even SETTING goals (nevermind reaching them) are really lame.
The Process-The Fight
So I realised what I wanted. Not what society says I should have. What I knew to align with MY purpose on earth. I had the picture and then it came to fighing for it.
Wow – fighting. I didn’t realise it was a fight until I typed it just now.
I had to fight with myself a lot of times:
- Getting up early to spend time with Him or go for a jog (I don’t gym…hate the places…sorry peeps.)
- Stopping myself from believing the lies that have been simmering in my mind for years. The lie of not being good enough at something has often been my reason for not attempting a new project…only to feel guilty later on for not pursuing His dream for me. And then fearing that I will simply fail at the next thing. Fear-Inactivity-Guilt: A vicious cycle I had to IDENTIFY and then STOP. Stopping it called for searching for His truths and reminding myself of them whenever I faced a challenging situation. For some this may seem a bit ‘airy fairy’ but for me, the only thing that was stronger than the lies I became accustomed to was what He thought of me. But to get to His truths…I had to do that ‘get up early in the morning’ thing.
- Fighting to focus on what’s in front of me, instead of what is far away. I have huge, challenging dreams (and promises of what He wants to do in and through my life). But that won’t happen if I can’t have the right mindset in what I’m doing now. This blog…that’s me being obedient. I would like to preach to the nations about His healing power and wisdom…but CONTINUALLY He had to pull me back to what He placed in front of me NOW. Will the big dreams happen? I realise it doesn’t matter. He cares about my intentions, character and actions NOW. And if I lift my eyes from what He’s guiding me to do I’m going to miss the boat completely. Breathe, refocus, diligence. Every day.
- Trying my best to make peace with everything I knew I messed up and letting go of the guilt I felt. A huge victory: Realising that He often bring second chances because He’s aware of my total ineptitude and He’s okay with giving it another try. And if He has faith in me…perhaps I should have too?
- Lying on the bed and hating myself for how tired, weak, stressed and confused I’m feeling…and hearing His voice whisper: This isn’t who I made you. He saw something different…and I wanted to search and find what He saw.
What got to me was how frustrating it was to be in a rut of bad habits, unhealthy routines, lack of wise choices. I KNEW all the right things to do, but I wasn’t DOING them.
Like a business that needed to use all its resources to function optimally, I need to use all He has given me (time, wisdom, food, His Word, people) to live a life worth the label “Daughter of God”. I wasn’t even close.
But somewhere a switch started to flip. Was it what He shared with me? The people and information He sent across my path that influenced me? Frustration that turned into desperation to see change?
All of it I think. But one thing definitely kept me going: Being reminded that He wants to take me somewhere. So if you haven’t heard that lately…I pray He whispers it in your ear.
My Third Glass of Water
So now it has been months. I have REALLY tried sculpting a better lifestyle, closer to what I know He wants for me.
Here’s my biggest revelation and realisation I am intensely grateful for. Somewhere during this journey of changing habits, listening to His voice, finding MY purpose NOW instead of jealously looking at other people’s lives and achievements…I realised I don’t have to feel GUILTY for not reaching this milestone earlier.
And living without guilt is…peaceful. And for that I want to cry. Because He came and soothed my soul and bit by bit He put me back together, giving me wisdom to fix many areas in my life:
- Drinking more water
- Eating differently to ensure health to one day hopefully carry a child He blesses us with…why? Because He wants the BEST for my child one day and that starts with me being my best.
- Talking to Him more so His wisdom can shine through
- Rearranging my schedule so there’s time for Him, my hobbies, my passions, my purpose
- Being less busy but more productive
Best of all: some of these have become effortless, such as choosing water above coffee or reading insightful literature, rather than silly thrillers. (Please note: I am not bashing ANY reading material. At THIS moment in MY life, I know He’s calling me to change what I read…and so I do.)
Here’s a powerful lie I lived with for a long time: I believed my work always comes first. In a way that was used against me in keeping me so busy that I didn’t make time for other tasks I KNEW He wanted me to focus on. The lies we believe are used by the enemy to keep us off track and even something that sounds good could be the one thing keeping you away from contentment and fulfilling your purpose.
So I just drank my third glass of water.
Somehow He led me to fitting into my daily schedule almost everything I dreamed of a few months ago.
I’m not where I want to be yet. But I’m better. For today, that’s enough. No guilt.
And all glory to Him…as always.