Category: Uncategorized

Porcelain or plastic

Its all about how we see ourselves…that’s how we ascertain what we (think we) can accomplish…or survive.

A beautiful white vase standing on a table…someone walks by…purely by accident the table is bumped and the vase topples over.

Someone’s intention? No

Vase broken? YES

In my head…I was this vase.  Through life and people’s actions and choices, I always thought I would be pushed over…and break. It is why I live with fear.  It is why I miss (missed) out on life.

Will I get the answer wrong of the maths equation in front of everyone in class and never be able to show my face again at school?

Will I blunder in putting the presentation together and never be able to work again?

Will I be flustered when asked something in a meeting and die of embarassment of conflict?

Will I be lost-never-to-fully-function-again if a relationship doesn’t work out?

In all of the above…I have learnt so far…that the answer is NO.

The vase is never irreparably damaged…

No, sorry, I got that wrong again.

Its not that the vase doesn’t break…it is that I’ve discovered that I am not a ceramic vase.

Made of some other substance that God has woven into my being, I am able to bounce back, think, survive, talk, function…HANDLE the situations that come my way.

Plastic (not as romantic or pretty hey…)

Iron (bit harsh for a girl I guess)

Can we settle on Copper then? Yes

Fulfilling the same Purpose as Ceramics, a Copper Vase will still hold your flowers…but she certainly looks and survives differently.  She may get a dent…a scratch…but destroyed beyond repair?  No.

That was the other thing…the idea of fulfilling a purpose.  In seeing myself as so breakable, there were so many things I never even tried for fear of being bumped over…and there…I lost out on so many experiences.

But put this copper vase on any mantle piece or table now, cause she wants the view and its okay if something unplanned happens (by life’s accident or purpose)

This is not being cocky…this is not being naive about how harsh life can be.

This is just realising that I was crafted in a stronger fashion than I once thought and in realising this, some fears disappear…resulting in so much more being attempted…

As His ambassadors, so much can be done…if I put myself out there to try.  I won’t break…He made me this way…and He made me well. (and let’s not even go into the fact that He is always present…always helping…always supplying His power, nevermind my own…story for another day)

Luke 10

I have given you authority…over the power of the enemy…nothing shall hurt you

I will honor you on a wall

Life is the building of a house.

The foundation of my parents’ involvement

The walls of the choices I make and the values I choose to follow.

The roof of the people I allow near me…to guard me

The door of my God who I want as the main attraction in my life.

And then there are the decorations.  Everything inside.

What furnishings do people see when I am near them? Are they comfortable on the chair I choose to converse with them?  Do they like the food of thought I prepare on a plate? Do they stub their toe against a rock on my lawn or can they relax on the grass which allows them to just be?  Do I want them to be comfortable? Or am I the type of person who wants to bring a challenge all the time?  No right or wrong…just my choice of what I want to leave in theit minds…

But I’m getting to a very particular decoration.  The paintings against my wall.  My stories…my experiences.

Someone recently left my life.  It was sad…yes, I was heartbroken…because the beauty of what was, was beyond precious to behold and difficult to let go of.  But “move-on” I had to…because he wasn’t coming back and I had to look after myself.

I could have taken an easy route…: put the face of this one I loved on the floor of my house and paint over it with a new face…as if it never was.  Start from a corner and destroy the colors and contours of this great being.

But I didn’t want to.  That would have been worse in the long run.  Why? Because the time he spent in my building was precious…why forget it?  He invested in my life? Why not acknowledge it? It was beautiful while it lasted, so why destroy it?

So I did this:

On a canvas I will put your face

the life you lived with me for short

And honored on a wall inside me

your picture will now resort

I will paint over no face, I will deny no hand in my life.  Value there came with every person who crossed my doorway…and in honoring that…I live with no regret.

And every person after him who enters through my door…I will tell the story with love and appreciation…and my the painting bless and inspire them…as it will always bless me.

Rom 8

…to them that love God all things work together for good…

Dance of life

It’s a wedding…one of the various I am to attend before my own big day arrives…whenever that will be.

One of the high-lights always – for my band of friends anyway – is the dancing: the opening of the dance floor, the fun and laughter as everyone joins in.  And then I start to wonder: what would my day be like when this time arrives.  I do not come from a dancing-kind-of-family.  Not that I mind: I like dancing, but I’m not an addict…or is it that I simply haven’t discovered the magic of it?

Here’s the thing: My friends consist of various couples who, when looked at as individuals are definitely not dancers.  Some I have known before they found their life-partners and then it always surprises me to find them on the dancefloor doing funky steps and quite at ease with themselves, where previously they would never have dreamt of it.

And then the beautiful picture emerges: so many of my friends found their dance-gurus in their partners.  Nerdy boys who are shy in so many respects, bloomed into self-assured dancers, learning steps for the sake of their wives, and discovering the joy of it for themselves.  Shy girls who  wouldn’t think of doing anything in front of a crowd, setting the dancefloor on fire simply because their other half is beside them.  Individuals with no beat at all, taking over the beat from their other halves – realizing the how to and when.

It is as if dancing is language and chapter of life all on its own.  To feel so at ease with yourself and the other person that you would let them guide you in a new, unknown direction…because that’s the flipside: the worst feeling is to feel uncomfortable on the dancefloor, to make a move and realize the rest are thinking you absurd…dancing in a group and being the last one left over.  But in the eyes of various couples I have seen that change to a attitude of “I don’t care anymore, because there is one person who LIKES my dancing, who ACCEPTS my dancing, who IMPROVES my dancing, who JOINS my dancing…and the rest don’t matter!”.

I pray that I can have that attitude about various things in life, and yes, more and more I hope that that same belief about God as the one inspiring these thoughts would become more and more present and reality.  But we were made to partner with humans as well.  God made us for eachother.  May we find (and choose) the ones who would make us…not necessarily EXPERT dancers…but CAREFREE dancers!

It is such a simple thing, but such a perfect metaphor for what our partners are supposed to be for us, isn’t it?  A teacher of what life can bring us if only we dare to venture out…showing us what has been inside us all along…and the best of all: to dance WITH someone is so much better than dancing alone: the sharing of life, makes life all the richer!

The dance of life: learning the steps and realizing you weren’t as bad at it as you thought you were.

Now, come partner, I’m waiting on the edge of the dance floor, ready to go.  All that’s missing is you!

I learnt about God’s music in my soul

I stand on stage.  I’m playing keyboard. I love it…following the chords on the sheets of paper before me and experiencing the music I am taking part in. It’s a worship session during a church service…and I’m blessed by using our gifts to glorify God.

The pastor asks our Music Director for a specific song…and I’m done…i can’t take part, because the song he asks for is not on the list before me, so I’m lost.  I’m not the kind of musician that can determine what to play unless its given to me on a music score sheet…I’m just not that good.  So I won’t take part in this one… though  I would have loved to.

On guitar this evening is one of my oldest friends.  For 15 years he has been a mentor and a friend, a band leader and a colleague.  He turns around.

He knows.  He knows me…he knows I’m lost without a paper.  He knows.

And he whispers…G…E Minor…D…every chord…he leads me…

Rewind to about 2 hours earlier driving to band practice before service and feeling in my being that I am just a bit lost…just unsure of what to do and how to handle some things in my life…I need direction for every step ahead, because what will come next in my life is important and will take huge steps of faith. Career choices, how to handle emotional and spiritual challenges.  How do I go about this Lord.

And then my friend happens…and its as if God is whispering to me.

‘Do you see how he knows?  Do you see how he cares enough to turn around and face you?  Do you hear how clearly, above all the noise and music on stage currently, you can hear every…EVERY…SINGLE…chord. Crystal clear.

That is Me…in front of you…whispering at every step and turn and direction…and you will hear.  And it is not any other person on stage doing this.  I am using him because you know this person’s voice the best…it is familiar to you…you recognise it…in the same way you recognise Mine…because we are familiar to each other…trust each other…and Love is the reason why I WANT to turn around towards you and guide you every step of the way.’

And that was His message…He is the leader in the music of my life…guiding every chord and movement.  And He is trustworthy…and present…and on time…and I will stay in rhythm with His direction and guidance…

…because He knows

Is 55

Incline your ear, and come unto me; hear, and your soul shall live: ….