What Mangoes Teach You About Life

I just peeled my second mango in as many days with the peel ending up in one piece.

What I Used to Do

I’m 36 but that perfection is a first for me. I used to marvel at my dad’s deftly clearing any fruit of its clothing in one go. How the heck did he do that?

Here’s my usual method: Just push through the task as quickly as possible. It took too much concentration to keep the peel in one piece so I just hacked at it.

In the end: 20 (to 50) short pieces landing in the dustbin or compost heap (yes I do try to save the environment).

The Difference-Slowing Down

Today was a victory.

Why? Because I learned to slow down. At last.

My dad once made a comment about always being in a rush. I thought it was something to be proud of because it proved how busy I was. In truth? It was simply me being late, rushed, disorganised, stressed for no reason, avoiding situations (arriving late for a family gathering meant I may miss out on discussing a few tense topics.)

Let’s get back to my mango.

How He Did it

I found peeling a fruit challenging and an unnecessary bump in my road. Did I take the time to simply sit down and get used to that skill? No. Why?

Here’s one bad consequence of doing well at school: You don’t learn how to deal with challenges. Everything comes easy: Math, Languages, Remembering facts, Pleasing teachers, Winning the prize.

That doesn’t serve you so well later in life. Life is not that easy to handle.

For me: It took years to feel comfortable facing a challenge. (Even peeling a slippery fruit properly.)

I avoid conflict and challenges as much as I can. I realize I pray and then hope/expect God to simply make it easy. That’s MY perfect answer to prayers.

But He knows best.

The Challenge

This past year I learned a few different things. And my mango proves it.

I stress about everything.

Will I impress my boss?

Will this client be happy?

Does my leaving out the milk irritate my husband?

Will the dog be okay if I leave her alone for a few hours?

Is God disappointed in me that I don’t do everything He prompts me to?

Will my parents be proud of the life I live?

How will I deal with differences of opinion with loved ones?

Will I be able to handle the latest work project? I simply don’t think I’m good enough.

What if no one likes my writing?

I really should be more organised or get a healthy daily schedule…why am I so bad at this thing called life?

Many of these my fears relate to overcoming a challenge, something difficult:

Learning a new skill
Doing a lot of research
Having complicated and tense discussions
Living in faith

My Weak Point

I am so scared at failing at these, that I simply rush through life. I do what I can (that which I find easy) and kind of put the rest on the back burner. I know it’s possible to live in faith…I just do it in areas that are easier. I know I’m good at my job, but I avoid pushing myself to be better. Because that will be challenging.

What I end up with are 20 (or 50) small things I did every day…but I miss out on creating that beautiful long strip of colorful skin. It’s the accomplishment I really want, but I don’t face the fears that keep me from doing it.

For me it’s fear of failure. For others it could be hurt, past disappointments or not knowing Him well enough yet.

How He Fixed It

For the past 12 months I had to practice at peeling my mango in real life:

Instead of changing jobs I had to learn to take my fears & insecurities to Him. And slowly but surely He transformed my mind about how I see myself. Now I can breeeeathe during the day: No longer flustered from 9 to 5 because I doubt every single task I do.
Instead of giving me everything I wished for so I can believe He’s on my side, I learnt to see His hand in small things, having to trust Him that He sees the end even while I don’t. I always knew that surrendering my emotions and wishes to Him is the ideal way to live. Difference: Now I’m closer to DOING it instead of only KNOWING it.
Instead of wishing for quick fixes (rushing through peeling fruit) I realise, accept and now embrace the fact that good things, good lives, good relationships…take time. He is in the business of long term effects, not instant gratification or even instant results. But is He at work? Always.
Here’s a big one: I used to be afraid of not living the above average life that He created me for. I wanted to prove on a grand scale that I am an effective tool in His hand. Prove to who? We get it so wrong sometimes. Now…now I see how He wants me to live His character daily – and that’s a better option than any grand ministry I can start up. Without learning His fundamentals, my attempt at saving the world (or some people) would crumble.

I hate that it took so long to learn these lessons. But that’s what happens when you have it easy I guess.

I’m Better…and Thankful

Let’s be clear: These are still challenges. But I’m better. And when I struggle (with stress, insecurities, work) I remind myself: I’m not where I was yesterday or a few months ago.

I’m so much better that I can relax while making a fruit salad instead of blasting through that task too. Blasting through simply to avoid the fact that I’m not very good at something.

Can I become a culinary chef yet? No. And I probably never will.

But I can be proud and above all thankful that He took the time to calm me down about life…to become more adept at facing challenges. Now, when I attempt anything in this life it may take longer, but it will be better. And I don’t run away anymore

He does have mysterious ways.

Be general or THE general

I see a photo this week and it’s haunting. This time it wasn’t someone hurting. It was lambs: A few sheep on a farm in South Africa desperate for water, food…relief.

General lamb — Photo by Bonnie Kittle on Unsplash

And I guess that’s the trend in our country today. We dream of relief.

Our Wish

No matter on which side of the political fight (because all we seem to do is fight these days) you’re at, you crave release.

Release from poverty.

Release from oppression…no matter what race you are.

Release from abuse…

Release from addictions.

Release from jobs we hate.

Release from heartbreak.

Release from drought.

I Plead

The list goes on and I pray. No, I plead. Lord, why can’t You…PLEEEASE Lord will you bring hope for these people. All of us in all these situations.

My wish is that our country’s problems get solved instantly: That He helps us forgive, He brings rain and He gives us wisdom to work together. Instantly.

I start a conversation. At the end I had goosebumps…but not because I got the answer I was hoping for.

He Created a Plan – We Made it a Problem

We (not just South Africa but the world at large I guess) are suffering in part because of sin.

I want to clarify my definition of sin: Sin as in ‘missing the mark’. He designed us for specific purposes: To love, to flourish, to be wise. When we don’t live that way…we miss the mark…that’s sin. We all sin.

So the consequences are not because God WANTS us to suffer or because He’s directly punishing us.

It’s natural consequences for our refusal to listen to His guidance.

He created rules. He set guidelines. He said ‘Rule the earth’. And humanity did a very poor job of that.

Now, because of centuries of sin (missing the mark, not listening to His voice, feeding our cravings for power, lust and pleasure) we’ve brought suffering to earth. Just look at the percentage of broken families and the amount of plastic washing up on our shores. Yes, in all aspects, humans are pretty much missing the mark.

We can’t blame Him for that.

So what now?

Enter…De La Rey

A few weeks ago I was at a concert. Bok van Blerk. I’m not a regular…but a few of his songs I will admit: They bring me to tears. The passion for this country, the land and its people – it’s impossible to ignore.

And then he sang that song: De La Rey.

Let’s be clear: I’m not writing any of this because we’re all supposed to choose sides or to bring up the past. There’s enough of that and it’s not doing us any good.

But the song calls someone to lead.

And this is what I saw: A crowd being drawn by a single man with a single song. Multiple people in the audience drifted towards the stage. They flocked towards…their general.

In that moment, Bok was their De La Rey.

And this is what our country needs: A great many De La Reys.

What did he fight for over a century ago? Reading his story I believe this general’s convictions and motivations were based on a wish for peace, fairness and the best for the country; Not a political ideology, power or racism.

That’s the kind of general this world needs.

If Only We Would…

The song is being sung and you see the people’s yearning. A solution for their situations. We CRAVE for someone to show us the way.

And we’re all blind to what’s right in front of us.

Do we not realize WE are the generals the country is hoping for? Do we not see we can’t leave it up to the corrupt leaders?

A different kind of leader – the good general – needs to help people find their relief.

And that…that’s all of us.

What do we as generals do around a braai? Do we speak truth and positivity or only complain?
Instead of repeating fake news and bad news about our country and the world, why aren’t we praying for His opinion on the matter and sharing that? That would make us generals.
Being kind to the people who work for you, instead of breaking them down as others do – that’s being a general.
Breaking down barriers between white and black simply by respecting the waiter, your colleague or a shop assistant – that’s taking the lead.
Taking your family to church, not out of guilt, but because you know you need Him – you’re being THE RIGHT KIND OF general.
Fighting for what’s RIGHT, not what seems the best for your culture, race or gender – you’re being a general.
Praying about a situation instead of complaining about it – that’s you being a general.
Being fair and kind when you’re getting the opposite in return – that’s a general’s design.
Artists, pastors, businessmen, celebrities – you’re all generals (which direction are you taking your people?)

Let’s be clear: I don’t want to be naive and not realise how terrible some situations are. But do we want to be led out of the problem or simply wallow in it?

And we’ve all heard this speech before. But as Bok was singing I saw in people a hunger for a leader. If we stand up – others will follow.

Some challenges may seem impossible to overcome, but I’m not prepared to not try. Across the globe people see change because someone decided to be a general and stand up for something. I’m not about to miss out on good results simply because others are too lazy to do the right thing.

Words have power. Actions have consequences. If we want more of a life…we have to initiate it.

lamb general — Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

I’m praying for relief. For that lamb…and for each one in this country, even the world.

It’s not going to happen if I don’t do my share and be the general for my family, neighborhood, colleagues and friends.

And each day that I do take up the challenge to listen to Him…He astounds me with situations where love, peace, Godly power and results shine through. But only if I decide to be a general that day.

Fear vs Fearful

Here’s the power of words: It helped me understand myself better…and my God better.

Years ago I was a scared girl, inexperienced and doubting myself in everything. Thanks to amazing friends that God sent across my path, I soon conquered some of my inadequacies. Why? Because they helped me verbalize my thoughts and I started writing them down. Understanding my thoughts made it easier to deal with them.

Okay – there’s a whole psychological discussion we can have about the value of writing and speaking about your emotions and thoughts. But this isn’t what this blog is about.

Words also have the power to help us understand our Maker better. And today I realised the importance of understanding more sides to Him. The more I know and experience about Him and the more stories I have about Him in my life (words), the better it gets.

Examples:

He is the Lion, but also the Lamb
He is Love, but also justice and righteousness
He is understanding, but also expects certain things of us

Facing only one of these aspects can have us retreat from Him, or take liberty of His loving nature. But when we KNOW He is also the other, it adds a beautiful balance. To me it makes me want to know Him more…and become more like Him.

The process of discovery and putting words to what He does also helped me switch from simply being afraid (fearful) to fearing Him (the latter is the good thing we need to get to).

This Morning

This morning I read a passage that normally filled me with guilt and fear. Reading about how He got angry with the Israelites and sent other tribes against them is frightening. I don’t want Him to feel that way about me, right?

But something different happened in my soul this morning:

Reverence
Awe
Passion for righteousness

Why? Because of what I already know about Him.

This Past Year

I’ve had a very challenging year. Perhaps you’ve read some of my other blogs. But I can also say 2018 has been one of the best years. Why?

Because of how He guided me through dealing with loss and change
Because He sent people across my path whenever I needed them
Because He advised me
Because I saw Him help my loved ones

These experiences all got noted in my diary, the words plainly displaying my God’s characteristics. Did everything happen as I wished it would? No. But my God showed His power, care and foresight in sooooo many ways.

Result: I know Him to :

LOVE me
LOOK AFTER me
PROTECT me

Back to This Morning

Now I read about His wrath. He really got mad…and God is unchanging, so He still gets mad. Therefore, if I don’t listen, He will probably get mad at me too.

But looking from the perspective of this past year I know that what He chooses to do, say or feel towards my actions isn’t based on hate.

His actions are based on LOVE. If He prompts me to do something it’s because He LOVES the world and wants to LOVE the world through me.
When He tells me to become better tomorrow than I am today (more compassionate, less afraid, doing rather than simply talking), it’s because He’s LOOKING AFTER us on earth and He needs me to play my part. I signed up to be His ambassador on earth and that comes with certain expectations and requirements.
If He’s telling me to do this or not to do that, He’s probably PROTECTING me (and others) because He knows what’s coming.

These are characteristics I can FEAR, not BE AFRAID of.

Definitions

FEAR (in this context): To respect, revere and trust.

FEARFUL: Feeling or showing fear and anxiety.

Going Forward

Reading His words to the Israelites from this perspective, I pick up on passion for them, not simply being mad at them. He wished they would act differently for their own sakes and for the sake of the world. He had a plan and wanted to use them in it.

My God is not distant, apathetic or out for revenge. He is actively and passionately involved in our lives, for the better of us and humanity at large.

My feelings towards my God can be described with words of fear, but also of love and appreciation. This fills me with renewed passion to be the kind of believer He can use.

So I Got Bad News Yesterday

So, I got bad news yesterday.

It’s not a life or death situation, but close enough. It’s dire enough to leave me confused, disappointed, unsure.

Not unsure of Him – More than ever, I know He’s there, because He showed me His presence this past six months. So powerfully that I can’t lie to myself and say He hasn’t got this. He’s got this. Me. Us

But I’m sore. And alone because only I know how I deal with this. Others go through similar trials and survive. I will too. But my struggle will be unique based on my personality, values and experiences.

So I want to run to the place I always went to: My best friend. Only…I lost that friend this past year as well (not to death, only to choices), so that’s not an option. But I want to pick up the phone and find comfort and advice where I used to.

But God’s not letting me. And I realise: He has a different plan.

What He has in store for me is that He’s sending two of the best people I know into my life this week. He knew this was coming and two sources of infinite wisdom, grace, love and Godly insight…they’re on their way.

They’re not my habitual go-to cry buddies. But I know they are fully geared for this job of helping me find whatever I need to get through this:

To see His perspective
Determine what I’m supposed to pray (as I’m so confused about His will for this situation)
To find comfort in a heavenly manner
To cry and use the Godly way of dealing with hurt and sadness

The person I wish was here may never be there for me again. But He knows what I need to work through this trial. And He already planned to send them to my city this week, even though they live far far away. He scheduled them into my calendar even before yesterday happened.

That’s how practical, caring and in control my God is.

So, thank You. For once again making plans I didn’t even knew were necessary.

You always provide…not in what I WISH I can get…but by giving what I really NEED.

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Words…they have the power to improve minds…lives…communities…the world