I recently moved and due to the fact that it is a safer area than where I lived before, I can once again take walks early in the morning and (about 40% of the time) even raise the activity to an occasional jog.

So I walk on the sidewalk (the small cement strip beside the tarmac) and watch my feet.  Subconsciously my mind directs my feet to fall between cracks.  It is the game we played when we were little, but it is ingrained now I guess.  My feet rarely touches the imperfect parts…and I realize that is the way I live…or aim to live.

I try to be perfect.  And frankly, it can trip me up!  If I’m going to try walking faster, my feet will never keep up the pace AND keep on missing the cracks.  Sooner or later I’m going to have to forget the Rule of the Crack…IF I want to get somewhere sooner rather than later that is.  In my day-to-day life I’m not much different.  I worry so much about taking a misstep (a wrong choice, a burnt bridge, a loss of temper…) that mostly I don’t do much of anything except amble along.  I’ll even get frantic at missing opportunities…but my fears about mistakes will keep me from embracing opportunities that do arise.

But luckily God is gracious.  It is as if He keeps certain things there long enough  in order for me to catch up even through my slow pace so that I can taste the goodness and maybe have more faith next time to up the tempo towards my next goal.

And He shows me that the cracks aren’t that bad.  Recently I made a quite a few mistakes: moved to a place I probably shouldn’t have, completely messed up at work, lost keys, scratched my car…all in one day (of course…isn’t that the way it always happens? =D ).  And guess what?

I survived

The world did not come to an end

I was able to get up and face consequences (or fight through them in prayer and with God’s help)

I was not gobbled up by the evil Monster of the Cracks, not being able to cope or function or feel happiness again or not feel hope again.  Life carried on despite my miss-steps.  It shows me 2 things:  my own strength and God’s hand ever-present!

I hate not knowing.  In my school years I could always understand the work, but usually I needed some time on my own to figure it out…so woe to me those days when the teachers asked us questions in front of everyone.  I cringed…I prayed to be invisible!  But to admit ignorance was beyond me!  I seldom asked questions: I figured it out for myself.

It felt sometimes that things others caught onto quickly, my mind simply did not want to grasp.  For instance, Grade 6 Geography totally stumped me!  I couldn’t for the life of me understand longitude and latitude!    It just didn’t want to ‘click’ into place in my mind!  In the end I got it though…luckily just in time for the exams!

Even today, I sometimes feel lengths behind others in simple, basic principles.  One topic is love.

The scripture of nothing being able to keep us from God’s love is such a pretty verse…but for years I couldn’t fathom what it meant.  What practical impact is it suppose to have on me and my life?

It took me a while, but I got there!

Love is not just the feeling…it is the motivation!  Love is not just something I have for my friends and family because I appreciate them or like them, but it IS the motivation for a whole range of other actions, situations and results.

Because I feel love for my best friend, I will make sacrifices to accommodate her. Because I love my parents, I would choose not to go into an argument with them.  Because I love my brother, I will see some of his weird choices in the light of HIS viewpoint, not mine.  This is what love does.  It motivates to accept.  It motivates to stay on someone’s side.  It motivates to believe and to pray for the best outcome…not for yourself, but rather for someone else.  This is what love DOES.

And God says that He feels love for me.  And if nothing on earth or heaven can keep me from that love, it means that God would make sacrifices for me (He did!!!!).  It means that His love for me will motivate Him to put things in place for my benefit.  It is the motivation for His acceptance of me, Him listening to my prayers and seeing me in the light of righteousness.  And apparently…this goes on 24/7.  Nothing can stop it, or keep this view of me to come to an end.

He is motivated by love to be on my side.  Every day and whatever may happen…or whatever I may choose.  And this He has for everyone on earth.  He is a team player and He can not remove Himself from the position…because He IS love!

I learnt a lot from a small blonde 3-year old boy this week.

He simply met met…admitted me into his room…allowed me to play with his toys…and totally turned my world upside down in the process.

I ask the Lord how I move forward in trusting for a Life-partner…a career…my future.

And what does He show me?

Blue-eyed-boy walking up to me and placing one of his toys into my hands…without fear…without holding back…with belief.

Belief that I will fix what has been broken.

Belief that I will help him build the bridge he is busy with.

Belief that I will not let it get lost…or broken…or forgotten.

And so…this is what God is inviting me to:

Come dear child and allow me to show you that I can be trusted with whatever you place into My (CAPABLE!!!) hands.

I will not forget…or destroy…or let go.

I will improve…and plan…and dream…and with unsurpassable power partner with you in bringing this thing to the best of its ability.

Together…we will build.

So I’m letting go…I’m placing this into Your hands…and believing.

I’m trying this.

Psalm 56

In God have I put my trust…What can man do unto me?

A small boy jumps on a trampoline. He invites you to join him…you realise you are totally unfit and jumping up and down should become a more regular routine in order to not feel like this…exhausted…wheezing…light-headed…

BUT OH SO GLORIOUSLY HAPPY!

The honour of being invited by a 3-year old onto his sacred play area…the beautiful honour of him WANTING you to share his space with him.  Is there anything more worth attaining…more satisfying…more pure?!

What have I done to deserve this?

Children aren’t easily deceived…I believe they know…see right through us.  I can not pretend and then ingratiate myself to a small child…they are too smart…too wise…too in touch with the beauty of this world, for us to be able to lie to them with the darkness that sets upon our souls along the years.

Am I being too dark?

Not my intention…

But in order to see the light side, we sometimes have to admit the dark side.

If the most special and content and light moment of my week has been the blonde 3-year old who out of nowhere threw his arms around my neck…in TRUST!!!…then I will question the rest of my week with honesty in order to look for more ways of attaining this contentment at a more regular basis.

NO…I am not planning a career of becoming a pre-school teacher.

But I am adjusting my priorities.  What are the beauties of life?

Creating the ring of trust that that boy entrusted me with…for others.

Sharing time and meals with people who are as honest as children…not those out for power and manipulation.

Praying for individuals to experience a release of pain and sorrow to return (at least in part) to a place where less things of their past haunt them.

So many precious things found in the presence of a blonde-haired boy.

Thank you little one

I will be in search for more of that

Matt 19

forbid them not…for to such belongeth the kingdom of heaven