Peace, Child

Have you ever felt so consumed as I do, by thoughts storming your way? Is it fatique that sometimes fuels this and gives it momentum, resulting in complete noise in your head? Or is it the enemy? An enemy that knows it’s almost impossible to find truth in those moments when your mind is inundated with words…questions…issues you thought you’ve dealt with by now.

Am I a good (enough) mom?

Did I make the right life choices?

When last did I even make a smart decision?

Why do you overeat? Wow – you’ve really gotten fat!

Am I a good wife?

How would my partner rate our marriage? Am I doing okay at being his partner?

Am I blocking God’s blessing on my life?

I should really learn to chill, right? (yeah, let’s make ‘relax’ yet another task!)

Did I spend wisely this month? Do I really love the latest home decor feature, or did I just waste our money?

How can I make my child happier? Why can’t I just be in the moment when she’s with me? I’m so failing at being a mom!

Lord, are You mad at me?

Heart palpitations, while you’re trying to just go about your routine, because your mind simply won’t let go!

It’s a barrage some days!

AND! Even though I’ve learnt MANY times that talking to God through journalling is the ideal tool, I often procrastinate and take my time before implementing it. Writing down my conversations with God, helps me (…you may have other methods…) shift these thoughts out of view, making them less consuming, and help my see His perspective…But, unfortunately, for hours or even days, I will try and regain control by:

• ‘thinking’ my way out of it.
• looking for ways to justify my decisions
• having half-discussions with God in the car while driving, but never really getting to His truths, because something WILL distract me

And then…often in utter desperation to not have yet another day of this senseless cycle…I would stop…

STOP binging series

STOP doom-scrolling

STOP finding ways to keep busy

START facing the truth…by taking up my pen.

Today it only took God 2 pages in my diary to help me get to the truth I’ve been looking for.

Lord, what do you say? About all of this?

Peace, child.

And instantly, I can breathe normally again. My mind goes quiet.

This time, peace came, not from knowledge or answers or facts, but from His words, His truth, breaking down the wall of lies (unnecessary questions and doubt) that had formed in my mind. If He simply wants me to have peace, apparently that is more important now, than everything I’ve been overthinking and wanting ‘plans of improvement’ for.

Peace

I’m stopping my mind from going anywhere else. No trying to build on those two words…or debate it while making dinner or planning activities with my toddler. He didn’t give me a myriad of answers…some questions didn’t warrant answers anyway…I KNOW the answers…I just didn’t FEEL them for a few days.

He simply wants peace for me.

I’ll take it.

Is 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

2 Cor 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

May you find peace…in life…in your mind…daily.

Sometimes we have to do a little work along the way. Take that pen and paper (or whatever tool works for you). MAKE the time to talk to Him instead of just talking to yourself. ALWAYS, He will be there, ready with what you need.

Peace, child.