So I Got Bad News Yesterday

So I Got Bad News Yesterday

So, I got bad news yesterday.

bad news

It’s not a life or death situation, but close enough. It’s dire enough to leave me confused, disappointed, unsure.

Not unsure of Him – More than ever, I know He’s there, because He showed me His presence this past six months. So powerfully that I can’t lie to myself and say He hasn’t got this. He’s got this. Me. Us

But I’m sore. And alone because only I know how I deal with this. Others go through similar trials and survive. I will too. But my struggle will be unique based on my personality, values and experiences.

So I want to run to the place I always went to: My best friend. Only…I lost that friend this past year as well (not to death, only to choices), so that’s not an option. But I want to pick up the phone and find comfort and advice where I used to.

But God’s not letting me. And I realise: He has a different plan.

What He has in store for me is that He’s sending two of the best people I know into my life this week. He knew this was coming and two sources of infinite wisdom, grace, love and Godly insight…they’re on their way.

friends

They’re not my habitual go-to cry buddies. But I know they are fully geared for this job of helping me find whatever I need to get through this:

  • To see His perspective
  • Determine what I’m supposed to pray (as I’m so confused about His will for this situation)
  • To find comfort in a heavenly manner
  • To cry and use the Godly way of dealing with hurt and sadness

The person I wish was here may never be there for me again. But He knows what I need to work through this trial. And He already planned to send them to my city this week, even though they live far far away. He scheduled them into my calendar even before yesterday happened.

That’s how practical, caring and in control my God is.

So, thank You. For once again making plans I didn’t even knew were necessary.

You always provide…not in what I WISH I can get…but by giving what I really NEED.

I Don’t Need to See the Future; God Does

I Don’t Need to See the Future; God Does

So, today I’m preaching to myself. But I do hope this helps you as well.

I’m in an unplanned hole today. I did not expect to feel this alone, sad, dejected and tired. I was having a pretty good day yesterday. And then, all of a sudden ‘poof’…all my energy just seemed to go out of me. I don’t know where it went. I don’t know what pushed it out. I just know I arrived home from grocery shopping (happily I might add) and all of a sudden I could barely lift my arms. That’s how tired I was.

I don’t do tired. I don’t do weak. I don’t do complain. I wanted to get over it and just be fine again. But my body didn’t want to…so much that my mind couldn’t make it do what I wanted it to do.

So I had to surrender and spend the afternoon on the couch.

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Is this a bout of depression? is this physical? Yes, but also emotional, since I haven’t cried like this in a while. So I’m just going through the stages until I feel myself again.

No, I’m still not 100%. But at least over the past few years I’ve learnt what I should do when life throws curve balls. For you it may be going for a run or reading a book or talking to a friend or painting. For me it’s writing. My diary is my refuge. That’s where I find God and where His voice becomes clearer when life seems to thunder over it.

So here’s my first piece of advice: When you realize you’ve been pushed past your limits, use the tools He gives us: Writing, singing worship songs, surrounding yourself with good people, the Word…whatever works for you.

So what did I find when I turned to my pen and paper? That’s what I need to share here. That’s what I need to proclaim so I don’t forget it; that the enemy can’t keep me down with a lie anymore. Because in my moments of utter fatigue, sadness and loneliness I keep thinking of what’s wrong and forget what is glorious.

In this bad moment I’m having I felt to just write about how He always provides and perhaps that’s my weapon for this moment. I’m thinking that by sharing this, reminding myself of what He is capable of, I’m fighting the negativity with the right words.

I seem to never plan my life very specifically. I would like to say that I know exactly where I’m going and what I’m going to have in 10 years’ time. But it never works out that way. I’ve taken steps of faith where I believe I’m inviting Him along on a journey with me. Somehow, the things I initiate never seem to work out. But what He starts always blossoms. So I want to proclaim the things He has brought to pass in my life.

  • I wanted to go overseas after school, but God suggested I stay right here in South Africa. What He kept me in this country for ended up being the best few years of my life.
  • 10 years ago He prompted me to move to the coast and write. I was too scared, I took a detour…but a decade later I’m living near the sea…writing. (I wish I listened earlier, but I’m thankful for His patience).
  • The friendship with my best friend disintegrated over time. Only in hindsight did I see how He positioned other friends in my life in the months leading up to it. He knew. He knew who I would need. He knew I needed a support system. Though I don’t know anything about my used-to-be friend anymore, I want to believe He’s doing the same for her. He loves us all and his long term plans are amazing.
  • I left one job for what I thought was to be my dream job. The company didn’t make it (long story), but 10 months before it went down He led me towards another job. I didn’t pray for that one (I didn’t even think it was necessary to pray for a job). But it’s perfect. It fits me like a glove. As I’m sitting here writing I realise all its facets suit my skills perfectly.I’m a ‘Jane-of-all-trades’. Not all jobs can keep all my interests entertained. This one does.

Here’s the bottomline: He knows. He cares. He plans (even if I don’t, and even if I do). His plan is always better.

I have more stories. I realize there are many of them. For now, this soothes my soul. I hope it does yours.

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Take care out there everyone. And share your story below if you have a glorious one. Remind yourself.