[FULL DISCLOSURE: I started writing this way back when in 2019. It ended up in Drafts. I’m so enjoying reminding myself of these truths now, on a day in 2023 where I REALLY need some of this. And I realise how it still applies and His lessons are ongoing. So, excuse the mix of feelings, dates and facts. ]
2019 me: I wrote a lie a few weeks ago. Okay, as a writer I’m allowed to make things up, but how I wished it was true: The character on the page was happy. Happy to get up in the morning. Happy with his work. Happy to dream about the future.
I wrote it and knew that wasn’t me.
Yet.
But then I got up this morning and cautiously I explore my emotions. I’m smiling without faking it. I’m not dreading opening my laptop…I’m almost looking forward to it. I talk because I want to not because I’m trying to silence the voice of stress in my mind.
I’m in a good space. I’m happy.
Isn’t that what we all say we want out of life?
Of course I’ve been happy for a long time, but change and challenges and fears and stress have been robbing me of LIVING that for quite a while. I know the Giver of joy, but getting to the point where that joy filters through to more parts of my being…that took a while.
And I’m thankful…and of course I’m scared it all splinters into nothingness tomorrow morning. I’m realistic: I will always have good and bad days. But part of how you ensure you live in victory tomorrow is by acknowledging the breakthroughs of today. It’s the foundation for what’s to come.
So, for myself and anyone hoping to one day breathe a sigh of relief, I’m documenting this.
It took a year of hard work. Praying and believing for one plan for our family took a lot of energy. And then an entirely different plan played out. It shook us even though the second plan was also good. What is His eventual plans with us? Only time will tell.
Then came a move across the country, loss of friends, fears about having a family, old hurts that haunt us…2018 was tough…
But He never let go. I can vouch for my God who sent amazing people, resources and guidance along the way. Every time I listened (I don’t always) His assistance was there.
Maybe I’m rambling but I’m overcome by how good it feels to actually see the results of applying His wisdom.
He Told me To Eat Better
This is probably going to sound like a new year’s resolution post, but for months I’ve been prompted to change my habits. I’ve never been on diets because I enjoy food too much. However, healthier eating isn’t a diet – it’s a lifestyle I’m supposed to follow because I want this body to be able to do His bidding.
I won’t feel up to helping others, learning about His truths or even enjoying life if I’m feeling tired all the time. Note: I hate veggies. But He guided me to PICK the right things to eat:
- Giving me a husband who LOVES veggies.
- Realising I can’t expect a baby to grow inside a body that’s not able to support him or her.
- Sending a friend to visit who sells health foods and having that small voice in my head say: This is what you’re supposed to be eating.
Repetition worked: His message was heard. And today I’m better for it.
I won’t ever LIKE veggies, but I add them to my plate because I KNOW it’s the right thing to do.
Does it sound like I’m a spoilt toddler wanting dessert before her meal? Isn’t that the way with all bad habits? We just want the easy way out. Whether it’s lying, being lazy, choosing the wrong friends.
But no matter your age you can still change it around.
A lot of times I didn’t want to make changes in my life because it felt embarassing: How can I be in my 30s and still fail at simple things? It’s easier to ignore and simply carry on, right?
But those bad habits are the things that make me not want to get up in the morning. I wasn’t always proud of the life I was living: Unhealthy, rushed, stressed, chaotic.
Eating differently and realising it led to a more energetic life inspires me to break other bad habits too. Feeling less lethargic makes me excited about what else I can change in my life even though I’ve had bad habits all through my 20s.
He Prompted Me To Look After my Body
He also sent me this very cool friend who went through a particular challenge with her own body. Today she realises the value of strong muscles and healthy bones and she has this passion to help others prevent what she had to go through. A year’s struggle with permanent pain is no joke.
Her words…once again that small voice prompted me. If I can prevent certain ailments in life, why not? There’s no reason to live with regret; He is sending me the message NOW so I can have more quality of life later on.
Once again: I’m not proud that I’m not living a super healthy life. For me it has always been my mind taking priority, not my body. But the one can’t live without the other. For now, I feel Him prompting me to give a little more attention to my physical existence. I guess He still wants me around for a while.
And I will say it again: My God is PRACTICAL.
It only takes a call from a suffering friend to realise the importance of this lesson: We live in a stressful society and if our bodies are unfit and unwell to begin with, the chances of weathering a particularly difficult time at work or home become quite slim.
And that’s when breakdowns happen. I’ve had one. I don’t want to go down that road again.
He made us a wonderful mix of body, soul and spirit. This year I’m trying my best to look after all three and this morning that plan resulted in getting up with a smile. I’m thankful for all the small messages and prompts He sent during 2018.
He Taught me About Time Management
This one closely relates to that stress aspect. I’m a very good…procrastinator. [This is where 2023-me continues the story] And then, whatever the task is that I’m ignoring and not getting to, creates STRESS at the back of my mind.
Luckily, through everything from becoming a mom in 2021 to having a good therapist that helps me identify my weak points, I have learnt to no longer procrastinate as much as before. It has become second…okay, maybe third nature to simply face a task head on, because I know leaving it until later isn’t good for me, or my family. (A stressed mom is never at her best).
Do I succeed every day? No! But I see victory in this area. And as it was a particular topic of prayer for me (trying to reduce stress in my life), I appreciate how He helped me in such a practical way.
He Offered His Peace
Can I just confirm that His peace really does surpass all understanding!
I’ve been outside hanging washing while worrying about the future. And then…poof…it’s gone. A luxurious peace descends and I know ‘He’s got this’.
I have been in bed praying over and over ‘I need You…I need You’. In that moment I am terrified and overcome with emotion that I can not control. And then…poof…it dissipates and I can breathe again.
I can’t explain it.
I’m just thankful for it.
He’s Waiting to Share My Purpose With Me
Purpose is a big thing for me. I can’t live without having direction.
This also means that when I’m unsure about what His purpose for me is, I feel very unsure about facing the days head on.
Here’s what I tend to forget: He is ALWAYS ready to share His thoughts with me. Unfortunately, I don’t always sit down to ask and listen for His reply
Purpose has changed over the years.
- Employed in ministry
- Writer
- Wife
- Mother
But so often life, technology, worries and even people can distract us from what we should be focusing on, right?
This morning again I was reminded of what He thinks I should be doing with my time. And I know that if I don’t prioritise it, I can’t blame anyone but myself for the emptiness or sense of being lost that tends to descend because of me ignoring my purpose.
Here’s to better use of my time next week. 🙂
He Sent Angels
He has always sent angels across my path.
If we don’t acknowledge these blessings, it can be very easy to miss seeing His hand during certain seasons in life.
- New friends in a new city I moved to.
- This random person who invites random ladies for coffee…and I end up meeting someone who becomes a major part of my support system during the next 5 years of my life. Amazing how He orchestrates things!
- In a world of very patronizing, critical people (and judgmental social media), He connects me with the most accepting and understanding moms group and lactation consultant any new mother can ask for!
- Random introductions that turn into long-term clients. Thank You for Your provision!
Final Thoughts
I’m going to be honest. The 2023 me wasn’t feeling the joy this morning when I got up. But God did prompt me to start writing again and I’ve been putting it off for so long. (A toddler keeps one busy haha). But I can only ignore His prompts for so long.
And then…it happened.
How did He manage to help me scroll through old drafts and open the ONE piece that will remind me of some truths I desperately needed today?
And then…it happened.
He has just helped me regain some balance and it’s yet another example of how He continually helps me keep my footing through challenging seasons.
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