I am learning to look after myself

I thought it was enough to give…I was under the impression that the great need I have to help others was enough to sustain me…I was wrong…so wrong.
No matter the amount of energy I gain from counseling and assisting…it does not keep me going…that’s just a fact of life I had to learn I guess.
…cause when you reach a day where you wish you had the guts to give up…to start over…to call a psychologist…to shout ‘stop!’…then you know you got something wrong in the equation….it all DOESN’T add up…
Or it all added up to too much.
Okay stop the rambling now…this is what I want to say.
Thank you for all the lessons I learnt through vampires who gobbled up my energy…to ‘friends’ using up my time…to baggage-carriers evading choices and dumping their issues onto my advice-giving.
Its not your fault that I was okay with being miss-used…but it is my privilege to move onto a better way of going about things.
I have the privilege of boundaries…of saying no…of choosing my time spent…of investing energy and taking up which responsibilities…and I will practice that right.
So thank you for the lesson. My future will never again by sapped of energy in this way.
I wish you all the best…and pray for the best…
But most of all…I choose the best for myself…balance…
Where I am also invested in…given time and energy and advice…cause guess what…I need it also…
love…safety…respect…friends…health…laughter…hope…a good life…

As I write I realise I have all the resources for this…but I keep finding my worth in what and who I can fix…no more…I will adjust my focus…

This train-of-thought….to be continued

That’s it.

Phil 4
And the peace of God will guard your hearts and thoughts…

Running MY race

So a friend and I start talking…about our frustrations

We are both loyal people…loyal to those around us, to our companies…and we know that God has blessed us with employment and opportunities…but we are immensely dissatisfied with our current experience of life.

But I have been on a journey these past 4 weeks: where I have learnt…

… that I do not have to fear an authority figure just because I am loyal to him

… that others’ opinions (no matter how wise they are) do not have to determine my choices

… that it is okay to fail in others’ opinions

And I know these are basic ideas, but to grasp the magnitude of these approaches if applied…

… that I can choose to run in my own lane and that those who stand in my way of experiences and life, I have the option of removing them out of my way.

People are suppose to help me…I will allow them to advise me, but no longer will I allow them to be stumbling blocks in my lane.

I want to run my race and reach my end goal, my way, not theirs.

…they that wait for Jehovah (not man)…shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint…

Me…people…life

I have learnt recently that I have a choice.  God showed me this – thank You Father.

I have always pressed into whatever bothers me in a situation…someone in a bad mood?  I ask: what can I do to relieve the tension?

Someone making stupid comments… I choose to get irritated…

Someone offends…I choose to take the offence.

I say choose…because that’s what it is: my CHOICE.

I believed that my sense of discomfort is just how it is going to be, but then I learnt that I have the power to choose…to choose to put space between me and other people’s vibes, words, actions…that I am stronger than that…can be smarter than that…

I no longer have to place people between me and LIFE…they always stood in my way, but now I can focus on what I want life to be for me…not what their intention or manipulation wants to choose for me…cause after all, it may not be that they want to be against me, they are just making a choice for them…and now I’m making the choice for me.  And so I am a better human towards my co-humans, as my levels of irritation with them falls greatly!

My choice isn’t made with pride, not with nastiness or a bad attitude…it is just made with new-found freedom…

Thank You Lord

For ye, brethren, were called for freedom; only use not your freedom for an occasion to the flesh, but through love be servants one to another.